MoonSkrye's Journey```barefoot

i would like to say thank you to everyone that has hung out and shared in the experience of lj to this point with me. as many came to realize this sharing has been an incredible learning experience--atleast it has been for me. so many things have happened since i first came to lj-land and many closets have been aired within this space.

i will not be deleting this journal. that is too much like burning a diary. i do however, feel the need for a bit of closure of these cyber walls. so we now have it, ladies and gentlemen, the journal of moonskrye is now closed.

if we do not touch fingertips again, may you find your tomorrow filled with rainbows of hope.

blessings )O(
roni

my youngest, rayny, turns 8 years old tomorrow. we decided to celebrate this weekend. we had decided to not do a big party due to finances, but instead we focused on some kewl presents and he had his friend, rowan, spend the weekend. we loaded up rae's van with the kids yesterday to take them to see the latest harry potter film only to find it sold out. so tickets for this morning's show were bought. since we have already done the cake and icecream, i am thinking of getting cupcakes to take to his school when i get out of class tomorrow.

rae and willow also spent the night last night. apparantly, rae and mark thinks the little girl has me on radar. i had fallen asleep on the couch and willow started fussing. her mommy told her to get a little louder and that i would get up. they said i jumped up less than 2 minutes later. they were amused. *smirks*

i busted 4 kids inside of rae's van yesterday. they ranged between the ages of 6-8, with the 8 year old already having a huge chip on his shoulder. i really don't think they were trying to steal as much as being bored and looking for something to do. they were going through and openning up whatever cars they could get into and rummaging. there is a fine line in my neighborhood and sometimes it lacks definition. the last thing i wanted to do was call the police. at the same time, the worst thing would be for me to let them run off without any consequence. so i grabbed the closest bike to me as they start to run off only to find out that one of the others was his 'big' 8 year old brother who proceeds to try to run me over. perfect opportunity to grab his bike. "get off me old woman!" i made him so mad that he jumped off of his bike and went to find something to hit me with. so i have this little kids' bike and am taking it towards my apartment so that i have some leverage to find out where they live. it worked and i ended up talking to the auntie since their mother wasn't home.

i don't know. i wish that situation was handled 'better', but i don't know how i could have/should have handled it better. something with a positive impact. *sighs*

i'm really looking forward to moving this summer.

i really need to get the fire under my ass. i'm really starting to notice when the "must have nicotine" moments hit and really, it's an exploitation of my laziness.
day 5 and it has been the hardest so far. i've smoked the equivalant of a full cigerette, today.
while i am not happy about it, i'm not letting it discourage me. i'm actually proud of myself for the efforts so far, but the batlle is far from won.

i'm starting to get packages in the mail from tea companies with supplies to use for my health fair booth. i had been hoping that a little bit here and a little bit there from several companies would help to make for a decent booth. i am thrilled with the packages so far. there may be enough stuff to not only give out samples, but to put together an assortment basket to raffle off to benefit the massage dept. organization. i'm extremely excited about this project.

i aced the 'hardest' a &p ii test of the term, but i pissed off what may have been one of the simplests. i just could not get my mind to focus this past weekend. time to get my shit together.

ok, that's it.

not causing trouble by posting this....

ebay plays host to possible father of your children

after reading replies made to a friend about this post, i realize that i may just be really odd. i see nothing wrong with this guy offering himself as potential sperm for future possibilities;not my cup of tea, even though i don't meet the reqs, but heh if he feels this way and is able to find a woman that feels the same way--to each their own.

actually, if the guy isn't joking .....then kudos to him for wielding a really nice size pair of testes.

Bastyr University offers an undergrad program for Herbal Sciences.


everything seems to be the laying of stones to create a path, for the laying of stones.


*whimsical dreamy sigh*

so much of the last couple of years have dealt with learning to take control of my life. realizing that child whores do have value; or rather, that this child whore has value. it has after all, been a series of trips, falls and bumps into my own psychosis.
i was scared when i first typed out memories that haunted my spirit and crying when i first hit the enter button. there were times that i pulled on my hair, scratched my arms and bit my lip as i waited for judgement of those that had found themselves in the audience. it seems as if it were a lifetime ago that i would sit, hour after hour, typing away my pain with this experiemt of sharing myself to the land of lj. the process has given me wonderful experiences in learning about myself and the opportunity to make connections, no matter how brief or long lasting. i fileted myself and for whatever reasons, many of you sat and watched.
i don't have much to say about those things, today. somewhere along the lines, i've made peace with those parts of my life. sure, i may revisit them during some sort of emotional freak out at a later date. for now, they are comfortable with what love and acceptance that i have been able to muster for them as i lay them to rest.

for the last few years i have measured myself against many of you. i've judged myself with the eyes of a critic and overall, i found that i always came up short. i'm going to lay those measurements aside as they really do not matter. your judgement of me doesn't really matter, either; though i am not sure i can place them into their own box just yet.

now that the dust has settled from so many tantrums, moments of needing to go back and say that i was sorry, the worries of how you would think of me after reading a confession; i have found that i really don't have too much to say of any consequence. i spew my mental freakouts as an excercise of breathing; i dance back and forth in text as if i were an exhibitionist. obviously, i am one, but surely there should be reason to the music.

i spent this weekend being supported and supporting my husband as we attempt to quit smoking. i've had about a half a cig. a day for the last three days. not completely smoke-free, but a hell of a good start for myself. somehow i have managed to cut back on the mt. dew rather drastically as well. i keep wanting to get up and excercise but the dizziness keeps coming up and kicking my ass back to bed. baby steps here.

as i move along my path of healing, there is less and less to share because the experience of confession has already taken place. i couldn't even allow myself to come in here and type/rant of how badly i had wanted a smoke this weekend. essentially, while i spew of self, this has now transformed into being about you.

there are so many connections that i don't want to lose. this experience has been a huge part of my progress. something has to change though. i'm not sure what or how. in the past, i would have ran away or broke it by now.

it was good to get back to life, today.

took the first couple of tests for the term this afternoon. at this moment, the computer class is a joke. problems starting with the IT dept not having all the students' accounts started -->to a monotone instructor that knows CADD but not how to teach basic computers --> to 13 year old behaviour in the classroom. even my a plus class was better behaved. i am, however, grateful to have a class that i don't feel the need to panic and bust my ass on.

anatomy and physiology ii is the complete opposite end of the spectrum. the more it kicks my ass; the more i have to wipe the smile off my face. the first test of this class is supposed to be one of the hardest tests for the term. it is also the one test that she allows all students to take a second time. i'll be going in first thing in the morning to sieze the opportunity. i'm not going to worry about the dean's list this term. what i really want is to earn the best grade that i can in this class and really know the material to the best of my ability. with each chapter, i feel as if i am learning the secrets of a new lover.

rae is going in for a minor outpatient surgery, tomorrow, so i have the wonderful opportunity to keep willow all day for the first time. i'm under strict orders to not put any sugar in the water bottle lol. well, it isn't like i can put her on my tit. man, she is such a little loud piggy with her mommy. after the hard times that rae had with trying to nurse her other children, it tickles me that she has been so successful with willow.

i'm buying patches, tomorrow.

life is good. the boys have been wonderful this week. i miss my husband, dearly. my journal has turned into a total boredomfest. i can handle life being without excess drama. i hope that doesn't change any time soon. i think that i may be outgrowing the name moonskrye. i may be growing away from a lot of things.

i love our new housemate. tiny tim moved in yesterday afternoon and keeps making bone cracks at the fairy that adornes my desk. :)

there really isn't a good time for being sick. however, it is better timing now than in a month from now. this is really hard on me emotionally as i feel incapacitated physically. no, this isn't meant to be a whine, just an observation. i have slept more in the last 3 days than i have done outside of normal sleeping in months. i keep going out for 3-5 hours at a time. the little things that i take for granted on a daily basis, such as standing in the shower, felt like so much work that i would collapse shortly afterwards. my anatomy instructor and head of the allied health department, just informed me that it could take 2-3 weeks for me to feel up to par again. my first thought was wtf--no way, can i crawl at this pace for the next couple of weeks. my mind immediately went into a freak out and then i had to tell it to just shut the fuck up already; take a deep breathe; and let's look at what this opportunity is openning up and what aspects can be fully embraced. sometimes, it is good to slow down so that we can stop and actually look at our priorities and reevaluate where we are and where we are going.
( goals, ramblings wtfever )

i have a virgo mug that my mother gave me for my birthday many years ago, i drink my comfort brews in it. it makes me smile.
my late grandpa's robe, blue terry and filled with thoughts of grandpa.
slippers with the cat in the hat on them.

come on, share your secrets :P

up to this point both school and work has been good. right now, i am really sick but doing so much better than i was at 6am.

i woke up this morning to a world that changed the laws of gravity. i was shifting in the bed due to two little boys that had climbed in and the world felt like it was literally falling way from my being. i knew rather quickly that this wasn't a flu type of thing as my head begged to be plastered to the ground. vertigo kept hitting me with almost every breathe. (by the gods, i hate being sick) i had mark call work, and once able to move enough we went to the er.


Otitis Media, fluid in the middle ear. sounds like a kid thing? supposedly, this is caused by my wonderful reoccuring sinis infections. i have some in both ears.

anyways, i am grateful for saltines and bottled water.
the boys have been exceptionally good today
mark is filling my scripts at the moment.
i'm going to try to be up for a bit but this has been a bit too much and i'm thoroughly exhausted.

i hope that everyone has had a better weekend.

the sticker on the bananas said "Put sticker on forehead. Smile"

rayny has always been the child that would take stickers off of fruit and place them all over his body. actually, he liked to do that with any kind of sticker.

the little things that make me smile :)

i am feeling extremely fortunate at this moment. rae and her kids just left, my boys have gone to bed so that they can go back to school, tomorrow; and i am letting my mind soak in the day's energies. have i mentioned recently, how much i love the program that i am in? with all of the things that i have in the works at this time,

my anatomy and physiology ii class will be a lot of work, but i am already in love with it. part of our class grade consists of participating in a health fair that is put on every term through this class. i am actually really excited about this as i've decided to hit this from an angle that hasn't been done at the school before with herbal teas designed to help maintain health. not cure-all types of blends. just good for your body, no caffiene, vitamin rich, tasty teas. so far this afternoon, 4 'big' name companies have agreed to send literature and samples, 1 mom and pop operation will participate as well as the American Botanical Council. i'm scrambling with trying to find resources and companies, but damn this is exciting. :)

if anyone happens to know of any brands of herbal teas that they really like that i may contact, please let me know. :)

holistic therapies is going to force me to do many things that i keep saying that i need to do but always find an excuse as to why i don't have time. i will now have to find the time as they will be a part of my grade. LOL i feel like a kid in a candy store.

*******************************************************************************
on another note.

i normally become melancholy this day every year. when i was younger, it was an ache for my little sister that i didn't have around to play with anymore. for the past few years it was an ache for a woman that really didn't want me in her life. she didn't like the competition of her mother's attention when i entered their world. today, i lift my glass and toast the beautiful Pamela Ann. Happy Birthday, my little sister. i hold you wrapped close inside of my heart.

**********************************************************************************

thank you to those that 'entertained' me, earlier. i was giggly with silliness :)

ok, this is the first day of classes. i'm sitting here in an intro to comp class reading about input and output devices. *tries to not snore*

who is online? come wake me up?

come on, entertain me. :)

Community Ventures Corporation is where I plan on taking classes to help me learn the things that I should know in order to get the business concept out of my head and into the world of reality.

this looks very scary

*takes a deep breath*

i feel the universe pulling me towards dreams. i am so scared of this new year and extremely excited to boot. my knees are knocking from legs that are shaking. may the ground remain steady.

i'm really not a stupid person. i have the ability to be competent. i can do this.....

please understand, i am not begging for cheers or pats on the back. i will not however, turn down any ideas or thoughts to help keep me from making stupid blunders that would result in a sore ass from the ground.

i think organization and a continual work on time-management skills are definately called for here.

Word of the Day for Sunday January 1, 2006

vim \VIM\, noun:
Power; force; energy; spirit; activity; vigor.


damn, i love that word now that i know what it means. i think i shall use it on a regular basis and hope that it creates more vim.

• may i get off my lazy butt and be filled with vim, today.


• you have such beautiful vim.


• if only we could bottle the children's vim, we would make a fortune.


• her vim radiated as she entered the room.


• vim, vim, vim is better than zoom zoom. :)

happy new year's to everyone. may it bring some peace to your beings and love within your world. may we be kissed gently with this new year's life lessons.


i love superstitions when they are positive. it doesn't matter so much whether they are 'real' only that i take the intent of wellness and allow it to be a possibility. i should note that i don't do negative superstitions, they are all humbug in my world view--muhahahahaha

positive happenings for the new year that have taken place, today, thus allow for the hope of it continueing throughout the year.

• little boys' laughter ringing in the year


• playing games with the kids until 1am


• kissed mark as if we were new


• 'beautifying' our living space by arranging wall decorations in the living room


• earned pay by working today, no matter how tired i was from lack of sleep


• enjoyed a little bit of time with my best friend


• relaxing and kicking back in my livingroom that looks 100 times better than it has in a long time


• went into a fit of giggles as my goddaughter actually tried to reach out towards me from her mommy's arms


• found out that the management at work actually appreciate me

it has been an extremely busy week. bonnie gave us some carpet that was left over from the house they were remodelling so we have been working on the living room. with the carpet, the rearranging and not having everything moved back in, yet, it is looking fantastic. if i have any resolutions, it is to try to become more organized and less prone to cluttering our living space. the kitchen is looking a bit scary at the moment as all of our dust collector type stuff is still in there waiting for my attention tomorrow.
i've been doing a lot of research on different scholarships. my goal is to try to apply to atleast two a day. they may or may not pan out to anything, but i won't have a chance if i don't try.
there is a manuscript begging for my attention and it will take up a lot of my time this week. i'm still in awe at the opportunity to review them.
i thought that they would be letting me go from work at the end of january since i let them know that i have to cut down my hours. i was informed that they hadn't made a decisions yet, but that they do not want to let me go. regardless, i was told that i would definately be a welcomed addition for next holiday season.

the year 2005 has been a year of hope and faith.

i learned that it may take a while, but it is possible to alter ones' reality if given the opportunity to find the will, hope, desire to be motivated out of ones' circumstances.
i have a long way to go before i become a productive human being within this society, but i will get there.
i'm a good mom, today. may i be a better one, tomorrow.
i'm a decent wife and partner, may i learn to become a good one.
i've been learning that i have value. i know that you have value as well.

may you love in this new year as if you have never loved before.
blessings )O(
roni

i try to remember things about childhood that i loved and then share those things with the boys. one of my favorite things as a kid was when i lived with my brothers and we would spend all day playing games. board games were a staple and then ad&d when we realized it existed. we are very game poor at the moment. not only did we have several games before the holidays, but the base of our tree was covered in games from santa for each family member, individually, as well as games marked for the whole family. i told the boys that i would try to play atleast one game with them every day of winter break. they love 'family game nights'. last night we did something that we had never done before. we played games until midnight. the kids are never up that late, but we were having so much fun that i didn't want it to end for them (or for me, either.)
this morning, knowing that company was coming over to try out a new dvd game and that there may not be time to keep my promise to the boys afterwards, we decided to have a family game morning. we ate breakfast, cleaned off the table and proceeded to rip the shrink wrap off of the new Narnia game. there is nothing that radiates and shines as wonderfully brilliant as the laughter and giggles of little boys. (it doesn't hurt that it helps rayny practice both reading and math skills with most games heh). i think i've found out how i would like to spend new year's eve this year.


may we laugh from the inside out with pure joy
blessings )O(
roni

does anyone know of some good sites to look into college scholarships that aren't scams or that want money?

nollie wakes me up at 8:30 this morning to ask me if i needed to go to work or school or should he let me sleep in. *grins* i adore this child. while i get to sleep in, going back to sleep wasn't an option.

things have been so busy that i am just now popping in to try to read some, but i know i won't have time to read too much. i have to become productive on my home or i will feel like shit later.

tuesday, maintenance came and replaced all of our kitchen windows in enough time for us to get things straightened up for our yule guests. it was a great little party with rae and lots of her relatives. we are the closest that two families can be one family without having a marraige certificate involved. all of the kids had a great time and so did the adults.

yule morning was spectacular. for those that remember a few years back when the boys got up and opened all of their presents while mark and i slept, that did not happen this year. LOL the boys got into their stockings and then they waited a while. they played with stocking stuff and then woke us up. they didn't even get into the santa presents (he doesn't wrap yanno). as nollie told us, they weren't taking a chance on repeating their past mistake. LOL. we had to pick up the boys' jaws off the floor as they opened up their wish presents.

rae and her kids came over and spent two days with us just hanging out and playing games. ( LOTR Risk kicks ass).

now for actual christmas....
i have made the decision that i will not be doing holidays with people anymore unless we have our own transportation. i can not handle the stress of being on someone else's time schedule every moment. it turns what is supposed to be a pleasant situation into a very stressful situation. once everything would get settled we had a wonderful visit. niece and nephews that have grown so much that i know the next time or two that i blink they will be away at college. heather went to the 'big' christmas gathering and i ended up holding a sleepy Bekah the majority of the time. mark decided that he wants to be called 'pappy' instead of grandfather....*blinks and double blinks* omfg.. so heather handed me the baby and everyone started calling me 'mammy'.....only in the south folks....no, i will not go by 'mammy'......that is just so not right.....

mark stayed in winchester and may or may not be home this week. in a conversation with his mom, i told her that i was so excited that mark was going to be home this week. we have planned for this time before i start classes again to work on the house. we have a third bedroom that has been used as storage that we were going to clear out so that we can utilize it, throw a ton of crap away and try to organize the rest of the house. she informed me that she wanted him to get started on her bathroom and that she too has to go back to work on monday. she wanted to be home when they tore out the guest bathroom. of course, in another breath she stated that she doesn't know how i function with all of our clutter.

so my goal is to sit down and figure out how to become more organized. last term, i was more organized than i had been but i'm far from where i would like to be. starting from scratch again with the dave ramsey program. the car has drained all of our emergency funds.

this year has been incredible with many transitions and growth. this year has been one of learning how to build a foundation. i'm really looking forward to see and participate in the building of walls this next year. may the beams be centered and hold.

i hope that everyone has had a pleasant holiday season.

blessings )O(
roni

mark is putting cardboard and tape on our kitchen windows.

apparantly, some kid(s) are throwing bricks into people's kitchen windows. it has happened atleast two nights in a row and we are the second that this one particular officer had received the call on.

mark's ear was grazed but it's superficial. he didn't know what had happened at first and we weren't sure if there had been shots fired or rocks or whatever. the kids are upstairs for the evenning and will do dinner up there as we clean the mess up and get some cleaning done for tomorrow.


*sighs and then takes a deep breath*

i'm glad that no one was seriously hurt and that it wasn't gun shot firing. i'm glad that my children were upstairs. i'm glad that it didn't happen while we had a house full of people tomorrow.

we have a case report from the police. need to call management tomorrow and hopefully our windows can be replaced quickly. all four windows in the kitchen were hit. only two hits made it through both the storm windows and the main windows.



so that's that.