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so long and thanks for all the fish.

Jan. 24th, 2006 | 03:01 pm

i would like to say thank you to everyone that has hung out and shared in the experience of lj to this point with me. as many came to realize this sharing has been an incredible learning experience--atleast it has been for me. so many things have happened since i first came to lj-land and many closets have been aired within this space.

i will not be deleting this journal. that is too much like burning a diary. i do however, feel the need for a bit of closure of these cyber walls. so we now have it, ladies and gentlemen, the journal of moonskrye is now closed.

if we do not touch fingertips again, may you find your tomorrow filled with rainbows of hope.

blessings )O(

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quick weekend recap

Jan. 22nd, 2006 | 11:57 pm

my youngest, rayny, turns 8 years old tomorrow. we decided to celebrate this weekend. we had decided to not do a big party due to finances, but instead we focused on some kewl presents and he had his friend, rowan, spend the weekend. we loaded up rae's van with the kids yesterday to take them to see the latest harry potter film only to find it sold out. so tickets for this morning's show were bought. since we have already done the cake and icecream, i am thinking of getting cupcakes to take to his school when i get out of class tomorrow.

rae and willow also spent the night last night. apparantly, rae and mark thinks the little girl has me on radar. i had fallen asleep on the couch and willow started fussing. her mommy told her to get a little louder and that i would get up. they said i jumped up less than 2 minutes later. they were amused. *smirks*

i busted 4 kids inside of rae's van yesterday. they ranged between the ages of 6-8, with the 8 year old already having a huge chip on his shoulder. i really don't think they were trying to steal as much as being bored and looking for something to do. they were going through and openning up whatever cars they could get into and rummaging. there is a fine line in my neighborhood and sometimes it lacks definition. the last thing i wanted to do was call the police. at the same time, the worst thing would be for me to let them run off without any consequence. so i grabbed the closest bike to me as they start to run off only to find out that one of the others was his 'big' 8 year old brother who proceeds to try to run me over. perfect opportunity to grab his bike. "get off me old woman!" i made him so mad that he jumped off of his bike and went to find something to hit me with. so i have this little kids' bike and am taking it towards my apartment so that i have some leverage to find out where they live. it worked and i ended up talking to the auntie since their mother wasn't home.

i don't know. i wish that situation was handled 'better', but i don't know how i could have/should have handled it better. something with a positive impact. *sighs*

i'm really looking forward to moving this summer.

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(no subject)

Jan. 18th, 2006 | 10:37 pm

i really need to get the fire under my ass. i'm really starting to notice when the "must have nicotine" moments hit and really, it's an exploitation of my laziness.
day 5 and it has been the hardest so far. i've smoked the equivalant of a full cigerette, today.
while i am not happy about it, i'm not letting it discourage me. i'm actually proud of myself for the efforts so far, but the batlle is far from won.

i'm starting to get packages in the mail from tea companies with supplies to use for my health fair booth. i had been hoping that a little bit here and a little bit there from several companies would help to make for a decent booth. i am thrilled with the packages so far. there may be enough stuff to not only give out samples, but to put together an assortment basket to raffle off to benefit the massage dept. organization. i'm extremely excited about this project.

i aced the 'hardest' a &p ii test of the term, but i pissed off what may have been one of the simplests. i just could not get my mind to focus this past weekend. time to get my shit together.

ok, that's it.

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(no subject)

Jan. 17th, 2006 | 03:40 pm

not causing trouble by posting this....

ebay plays host to possible father of your children

after reading replies made to a friend about this post, i realize that i may just be really odd. i see nothing wrong with this guy offering himself as potential sperm for future possibilities;not my cup of tea, even though i don't meet the reqs, but heh if he feels this way and is able to find a woman that feels the same way--to each their own.

actually, if the guy isn't joking .....then kudos to him for wielding a really nice size pair of testes.

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(no subject)

Jan. 17th, 2006 | 09:09 am

Bastyr University offers an undergrad program for Herbal Sciences.

everything seems to be the laying of stones to create a path, for the laying of stones.

*whimsical dreamy sigh*

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(no subject)

Jan. 17th, 2006 | 12:03 am

so much of the last couple of years have dealt with learning to take control of my life. realizing that child whores do have value; or rather, that this child whore has value. it has after all, been a series of trips, falls and bumps into my own psychosis.
i was scared when i first typed out memories that haunted my spirit and crying when i first hit the enter button. there were times that i pulled on my hair, scratched my arms and bit my lip as i waited for judgement of those that had found themselves in the audience. it seems as if it were a lifetime ago that i would sit, hour after hour, typing away my pain with this experiemt of sharing myself to the land of lj. the process has given me wonderful experiences in learning about myself and the opportunity to make connections, no matter how brief or long lasting. i fileted myself and for whatever reasons, many of you sat and watched.
i don't have much to say about those things, today. somewhere along the lines, i've made peace with those parts of my life. sure, i may revisit them during some sort of emotional freak out at a later date. for now, they are comfortable with what love and acceptance that i have been able to muster for them as i lay them to rest.

for the last few years i have measured myself against many of you. i've judged myself with the eyes of a critic and overall, i found that i always came up short. i'm going to lay those measurements aside as they really do not matter. your judgement of me doesn't really matter, either; though i am not sure i can place them into their own box just yet.

now that the dust has settled from so many tantrums, moments of needing to go back and say that i was sorry, the worries of how you would think of me after reading a confession; i have found that i really don't have too much to say of any consequence. i spew my mental freakouts as an excercise of breathing; i dance back and forth in text as if i were an exhibitionist. obviously, i am one, but surely there should be reason to the music.

i spent this weekend being supported and supporting my husband as we attempt to quit smoking. i've had about a half a cig. a day for the last three days. not completely smoke-free, but a hell of a good start for myself. somehow i have managed to cut back on the mt. dew rather drastically as well. i keep wanting to get up and excercise but the dizziness keeps coming up and kicking my ass back to bed. baby steps here.

as i move along my path of healing, there is less and less to share because the experience of confession has already taken place. i couldn't even allow myself to come in here and type/rant of how badly i had wanted a smoke this weekend. essentially, while i spew of self, this has now transformed into being about you.

there are so many connections that i don't want to lose. this experience has been a huge part of my progress. something has to change though. i'm not sure what or how. in the past, i would have ran away or broke it by now.

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(no subject)

Jan. 13th, 2006 | 01:27 am

it was good to get back to life, today.

took the first couple of tests for the term this afternoon. at this moment, the computer class is a joke. problems starting with the IT dept not having all the students' accounts started -->to a monotone instructor that knows CADD but not how to teach basic computers --> to 13 year old behaviour in the classroom. even my a plus class was better behaved. i am, however, grateful to have a class that i don't feel the need to panic and bust my ass on.

anatomy and physiology ii is the complete opposite end of the spectrum. the more it kicks my ass; the more i have to wipe the smile off my face. the first test of this class is supposed to be one of the hardest tests for the term. it is also the one test that she allows all students to take a second time. i'll be going in first thing in the morning to sieze the opportunity. i'm not going to worry about the dean's list this term. what i really want is to earn the best grade that i can in this class and really know the material to the best of my ability. with each chapter, i feel as if i am learning the secrets of a new lover.

rae is going in for a minor outpatient surgery, tomorrow, so i have the wonderful opportunity to keep willow all day for the first time. i'm under strict orders to not put any sugar in the water bottle lol. well, it isn't like i can put her on my tit. man, she is such a little loud piggy with her mommy. after the hard times that rae had with trying to nurse her other children, it tickles me that she has been so successful with willow.

i'm buying patches, tomorrow.

life is good. the boys have been wonderful this week. i miss my husband, dearly. my journal has turned into a total boredomfest. i can handle life being without excess drama. i hope that doesn't change any time soon. i think that i may be outgrowing the name moonskrye. i may be growing away from a lot of things.

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Jan. 10th, 2006 | 11:26 am

i love our new housemate. tiny tim moved in yesterday afternoon and keeps making bone cracks at the fairy that adornes my desk. :)

there really isn't a good time for being sick. however, it is better timing now than in a month from now. this is really hard on me emotionally as i feel incapacitated physically. no, this isn't meant to be a whine, just an observation. i have slept more in the last 3 days than i have done outside of normal sleeping in months. i keep going out for 3-5 hours at a time. the little things that i take for granted on a daily basis, such as standing in the shower, felt like so much work that i would collapse shortly afterwards. my anatomy instructor and head of the allied health department, just informed me that it could take 2-3 weeks for me to feel up to par again. my first thought was wtf--no way, can i crawl at this pace for the next couple of weeks. my mind immediately went into a freak out and then i had to tell it to just shut the fuck up already; take a deep breathe; and let's look at what this opportunity is openning up and what aspects can be fully embraced. sometimes, it is good to slow down so that we can stop and actually look at our priorities and reevaluate where we are and where we are going.
goals, ramblings wtfeverCollapse )

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what's your comfort thingies?

Jan. 8th, 2006 | 11:07 pm

i have a virgo mug that my mother gave me for my birthday many years ago, i drink my comfort brews in it. it makes me smile.
my late grandpa's robe, blue terry and filled with thoughts of grandpa.
slippers with the cat in the hat on them.

come on, share your secrets :P

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(no subject)

Jan. 8th, 2006 | 03:12 pm

up to this point both school and work has been good. right now, i am really sick but doing so much better than i was at 6am.

i woke up this morning to a world that changed the laws of gravity. i was shifting in the bed due to two little boys that had climbed in and the world felt like it was literally falling way from my being. i knew rather quickly that this wasn't a flu type of thing as my head begged to be plastered to the ground. vertigo kept hitting me with almost every breathe. (by the gods, i hate being sick) i had mark call work, and once able to move enough we went to the er.

Otitis Media, fluid in the middle ear. sounds like a kid thing? supposedly, this is caused by my wonderful reoccuring sinis infections. i have some in both ears.

anyways, i am grateful for saltines and bottled water.
the boys have been exceptionally good today
mark is filling my scripts at the moment.
i'm going to try to be up for a bit but this has been a bit too much and i'm thoroughly exhausted.

i hope that everyone has had a better weekend.

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